I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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