Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
