she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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