i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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