i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
