Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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