that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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