ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
