I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
