I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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