im about as happy as oj after his trial
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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