I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
