Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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