wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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