idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
