wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
