I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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