I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
