It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
