Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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