I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
