Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
