Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
