Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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