Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want a musical about memes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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