I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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