Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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