i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
