He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
