You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
