Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
