She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
