She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The ass gains better be worth it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
