She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
