He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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