I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
