yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
