Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize