we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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