I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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