They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.