I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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