pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus