I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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Sorry my hands just texted you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.