U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars