her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
