i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
