Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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