You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
