I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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