hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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