wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
