What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
