I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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