I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
