i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
