Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
