When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
