You work out of a Hotel?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
