we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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