Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We left the knife in your bed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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