And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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