I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
