Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
