Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
