Swine flu. Run for my life!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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