I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
