oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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