Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
