I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rumble strips road head = magical
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
