But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
