I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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